The Stigma of Failure

I am a recovering perfectionist.  When I was younger, I was destroyed by a low score on a test, ever fearful of a missing homework assignment, embarrassed by a missed note at a piano recital, afraid of striking out in a baseball practice … you get the idea.  While my behavior certainly drove a diligence and thoroughness in my tasks, it was unhealthy.  One day in college I happened upon a cartoon drawing of a very depressed man trying to muster the courage to get out of bed and face the new day.  The caption of the cartoon read “the day you realize no one cares what your GPA was in high school”.  As silly as it sounds, a simple comic strip actually was an epiphany for me – I had placed so much emphasis on trying to achieve perfection that I had neglected to benefit from the experience of making mistakes.   

The problem with perfectionism is that it leaves no room for failure, even to the extent that no risk is taken so that no failure is experienced.  We probably all have moments in our lives where we missed out on a life experience because we were afraid of looking stupid, being rejected, losing to an opponent, or making a mistake.  Maybe it was in school.  Maybe it was in a relationship.  Maybe it was in business.  Our front cortex provides a wonderful balance to our impulsive amygdala, but all too often can also keep us from even trying.  It may paint a frightful picture of all the bad things that could happen.  Or it might recall to memory the friend you knew who tried something similar and failed miserably.  It very seldom seems to automatically forecast success and happiness upon trying something new.

I disagree with the common saying many leaders use to motivate their teams – “there is no room for failure!” they emphatically exclaim (insert pounding fist on table here).  Likewise, then, there is no room for success as success is progressive, and often built upon the ruins of failed attempts.  I’m not advocating that we should encourage patterns of failure or incompetence, but I am encouraging a recognition that strong performers and teams will misstep in strategy and execution.  When that happens, take the opportunity to coach, encourage, regroup, and retry.